Monique Thomas talks about a turning point in her life: she got pregnant at 19, had an abortion, and didn’t tell anyone. Today, she testifies about how God pulled her out of a place of fear and shame.
Pregnant at 19
Monique was 17 years old when she became a Christian. But at the age of 19, she became pregnant. Being so young then, she knew she couldn’t parent the child so she chose the hard path.
“This really rocked my world. I made the decision to have a termination and I did it in secret. in private. I didn’t tell anybody, I didn’t speak out about it for almost two years,” she said.
She was silent for years but she admitted that it was deafening. Monique said that the thing about silence is that it never really is quiet. And hiding never really achieves what she hoped it would achieve.
Pregnant At 19 But Eventually Redeemed
Because of what happened, she carried so much fear about the judgment of God. She felt very broken, and she thought that if she stayed silent and in hiding, it was going to lessen the impact. But actually, it deepened it.
“I remember I’d be at baby dedications and just wanting the ground to swallow me up. Whenever we would pray for someone desperate to conceive, I just felt completely riddled with guilt and shame,” Monique shared.
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Desperate for help, she started looking for someone who could help her. She confided to her female pastor almost reluctantly, but her response surprised her.
“I can hear her voice now saying, ‘Monique, you know if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to cleanse us of all unrighteousness,’” she recalled.
Forgiven
Monique received God’s grace and forgiveness. She remembered what Jesus said: those who have been forgiven of much, love much. She realized that the grace of God stretches far beyond what we could imagine.
“If what we’re carrying is causing us to pull away from him, that breaks the Lord’s heart. It breaks his heart. The most receptive thing that we can do to him in those places, in those times, the most honoring thing that we can do in that time, is to come. And to trust that what he’s done is enough,” she said.
“Jesus is so tender. If you are suffering in silence, if you’re carrying stuff that is burdening and weighing your heart down, Jesus’s invitation to come is an invitation to trust him. To trust him with our sins and our striving. It’s an invitation to let go of it all,” she concluded.
Reference: STREAMS STUDIO
Header image: Monique Thomas [STREAMS STUDIO]. YouTube, 18 January 2024, https://youtu.be/O5WPzBHJtW0