Parenting teens in today’s world can feel beyond overwhelming—like trying to stay calm when you’re a tinder-dry, alcohol-soaked piece of wood living in a dumpster fire. No time for sugarcoating here. Many of us elder Millennials and Gen X’ers have parented teens through the rise of smartphones, Snapchat, and YouTube shorts. We have no idea what we’re doing, and yet we’re supposed to be digital police, culture war moderators, and spiritual warfare ninjas in an increasingly ridiculous world. Deep breaths.
It’s hard to keep the faith and remain optimistic while dealing with teenage mood swings, drama, evolving personalities, and all the other things that keep our therapists both horrified and entertained. However, just today I had a God moment. It happened while spacing out at the kitchen sink, listening to my 14- and 16-year-old boys trail through the house, chattering on their AirPods, leaving a wake of snack wrappers and Adidas cologne. A voice simply said, “They’re both amazing, and they’re both going to be okay.” I had to hold back the sobs because I knew it wasn’t just my own thought, and I really needed that assurance. Granted, I was pretty caffeinated and high on a fresh Maverick City worship set, but my mind was flooded with assurances and truths I wanted to share in this blog. Because frankly, we don’t hear enough encouragement or comfort. We need these reminders daily, but I hope they help, even for today…
#1 Your Kids Will Be Amazing Humans Someday
Laziness, ungratefulness, eye rolls, and total disregard for the cleanliness of the backseat. This stage of parenting is not for the faint of heart. Sometimes it feels impossible to picture our teenagers evolving into high-functioning, considerate, Jesus-loving adults with even the bare minimum of domestic skills. Like, my 16-year-old just spilled a quarter of a jug of OJ in the fridge, closed the door, and walked upstairs like Rocky after an eight-round victory. They refuse to reciprocate any affection, and when asked to do the smallest task—like shoveling snow—they act like I’ve drafted them for Vietnam. It can feel utterly defeating, but I’m here to tell you: this too shall pass.
My 23-year-old still lives at home, and for the past two years, I’ve been brought to tears by the simplest changes in his empathy and domestic efforts. He’s evolving from ape to human. Simple things, like asking about my day or offering to pick up food on the way home. So, it’s not just wishful thinking when I say: This is normal teenage stuff. You’re raising good kids. You’re doing the best you can. And they will be amazing… someday.
#2 Your Kids Will Love You Again (And Show It) Someday
Over here in hormone hell, we live in a house full of forced hugs. Years ago, I read that kids up to 18 need three hugs a day to feel secure, so I’ve been dishing out unwelcome affection for a decade. The kids cringe and run, but I chase them down anyway. It’s healthy for them, but the lack of reciprocation does wear on a person. Like, dudes—I sacrificed years of manicures to fund karate lessons and North Face jackets, and you can’t give me a side hug?! Add to that being ignored in public and demoted from best buddy to Uber driver, and it takes an emotional toll.
But here’s what I remember from being 16 myself, and what I’ve seen with every friend who’s raised kids to adulthood: this too shall pass. SOMEDAY, they’ll love and appreciate you. Maybe when they’re 20, 25, or even 30—but it will happen. So, to the mom of the 15-year-old daughter who blocks you from one room over, and to the mom of the 13-year-old whose texts read like extortion demands (“Be here in 10!” “Buy me this!”): Don’t fall into the “forever trap,” thinking it will always be this way. Often, teens take out their negative emotions on the people they feel safest with because they know they’re loved unconditionally. Yes, it’s painful, but remember—this is normal, and it will get better in time.
#3 Every Seed Planted Will Be Reaped Someday
Do you sense a pattern here? So much of mothering involves waiting and patience, far beyond those hours spent in school parking lots. I believe the ultimate measure of our efforts comes years later, maybe even after they’ve left the house. Every prayer, every act of sacrifice, every moment you bite your tongue instead of losing your temper—every meal you cook or burn and hour of sleep you lose—God sees it all.
Our kids will likely never know the cost of good mothering. They’ll never know about the vacations we didn’t take because football costs $1K a year. Single or divorced mamas, they’ll never know the dates you didn’t go on or the relationships you gave up to be present for them. But God notices, and He is faithful. Every effort, every seed planted, will be reaped in your child’s life.
#4 If Jesus Is Lord of Your House, They’ll Follow the Truth
This truth can be tough to swallow because we all know adult children raised in Christian homes who aren’t walking with the Lord. But we never know the inside workings of other families, and it’s never too late for salvation. I stand on Proverbs 22:6, which says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” As a pastor’s kid who went completely AWOL during my teen and early adult years, I can attest to this. Eventually, like the prodigal son, I found my way back. Never stop praying and thanking God for your kids’ walk with Him, even if they veer off the path.
#5 There Are No Perfect Parents, and No Perfect Kids
Mom guilt can be crippling, especially during the teen years. When they were little, their constant affection helped soothe our mistakes. Now, when we mess up, we’re met with eye rolls and the silent treatment. Every day, I remind myself that I’m doing my best, and my kids are going to be okay. I’ve made terrible decisions, let my kids down, and lost my temper when I should’ve taken a breath.
But God is big enough to cover our mistakes. He loves our kids more than we do, and He’s not going to let our teens fail because we got something wrong. He’s not keeping a record of our wrongs, and He cares about our love for them. He wants us to forgive ourselves and enjoy our kids without constant guilt. Your kids are going to make it. And so are you—one awkward hug at a time.
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