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Kris Vallotton: Parenting Keys
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11 Parenting Keys For Raising Powerful, Godly Kids

by Christel Berns
written by Christel Berns

Bethel Church Senior Associate Leader Kris Vallotton shared “11 Parenting Keys for Raising Powerful, Godly Kids.” These are invaluable words of wisdom that some parents may greatly benefit from hearing.

Children are God’s gifts

Every parent is called by God to be a good steward of their child. Psalm 127:3 states, “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.” From a biblical standpoint, children are treasures sent by God to parents, and therefore, they are expected to be well-cared for.

 

Children

Marisa Howenstine. (Photographer). (2018). Kids Playing, Retrieved December 15, 2023 from: https://unsplash.com/photos/two-toddler-playing-letter-cubes-Cq9slNxV8YU

However, many parents would agree that parenting is not easy; it’s a challenging journey as kids grow up in different stages of life. That’s why godly wisdom in parenting can be helpful on this journey. Christian author Kris Vallotton shared 11 tips for raising powerful kids.

11 Parenting Keys

Kris posted on his Instagram to offer advice to parents on how to handle their children well. Here are the 11 keys that he shared in the caption:

  1. Be consistent.

Parenting should not depend on your mood. Make sure your kids can rely on the same outcomes regardless of how you feel.

  1. Use a calm voice.

If your voice needs to escalate before you take action, you are teaching your kids that you don’t mean what you say until your voice reaches a certain volume.

  1. Correct attitudes before they lead to actions.

All behavior begins with a thought, which manifests in an attitude, and eventually becomes an action. Therefore, bad actions stem from wrong thoughts. By correcting attitudes, you teach your kids how to manage their inner world so they don’t create chaos in their outer world.

  1. Be the first to inform your kids about important subjects.

The principle of first mention states that the first time we learn about a subject, we accept it as truth. Subsequent information about the same subject will be evaluated against our initial experience and either embraced or rejected accordingly.

  1. Allow children to learn from their own experiences.

When you see them making mistakes that won’t have severe consequences, let them learn from the experience. They learn more from their failures than from their successes.

  1. Speak positively into your children’s lives.

What you think of them and what you say to them has an impact on who they become.

  1. Teach your kids how to solve conflicts by letting them observe you resolving your own.

Don’t shield them from witnessing you appropriately work through your issues. They need tools to navigate conflicts, not avoid them.

  1. Create a home filled with affection for your children and your spouse.

Continue hugging and kissing them regularly, even during their teenage years.

  1. Teach your children how to honor others, especially authority figures.

Your kids won’t thrive in society without a healthy respect for authority.

  1. Allow your children to “catch you” loving Jesus.

Remember, people are influenced through observation, not just through arguments.

  1. Teach your kids how to handle money.

They should learn about generosity, trusting God with their finances, stewarding money, and creating wealth. Teach your children that they have two choices: they can serve God or they can serve money. One of them will be their master.

Reference | Instagram – Kris Vallotton

ALSO READ: BOBBY CHANDLER: ‘IN A DATING RELATIONSHIP… PUT GOD FIRST’

Header Image: Kris Vallotton [@kvministries]. Kris Vallotton. Instagram, 10 Nov. 2023, https://www.instagram.com/p/Czco214N67v/

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Train Up A Child
FaithFeatured

Train Up A Child

by GOD TV
written by GOD TV

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Now the key here is, train up a child in the way he should go. Not every child is going to do the same thing. And so I would say that it really has to do with letting go of fear of what your child will become, letting go of fear of the mistakes they might make, and remembering that you’re establishing a foundation with them.

So if I’m waking up in the morning and I’m reading my Bible and I’m praying every day, if I’m reading my Bible before I go to bed, if I’m responding to a crisis or a problem with prayer, that is training my kids. Your kids are watching what you’re doing and how you respond to life, and also how you respond to the mistakes that they make. You know, it says that the kindness of God leads to repentance. We are not called to live in fear. It says in the Bible that we have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power of love and a sound mind. And I that’s what I want for my kids. I want them to know that they’ve been given a spirit of power and of love and a sound mind, because when we have sound minds, we’re able to make godly decisions.

And so I just want to pray for you today, that if you’re having any fear about which way your child is going, declare over them, that you have taught them and that they are going to stay in the right way, and they will not turn from it even when they’re old. So I just want to pray over you today, and just pray for your kids. God, I thank you that your promise says that if we train up a child in the way that he should go, or she should go, that when they’re old, they will not turn from it. So God, I just declare that our children are safe in your hands, that our children have sound minds. They have power, love, and a sound mind within them, and that they make good choices, and that they walk in love, and they know who they are in Christ. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

________

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Raising Up A Child
FaithFeatured

Raising Up A Child

by GOD TV
written by GOD TV

You know, I want to speak to the parents right now, and the grandparents, even. You know, there’s a verse that says, “Raise a child up as they should go, and they will not depart from their ways.” You know, we are called to not only be parents in provision and be parents in protecting and raising them up, but we’re supposed to be equipping them and training them how to actually live a life fulfilled in Christ. That as we live lives that are fulfilled in Christ, as we set an example for them on a day-to-day basis, we teach them how to interact with each other. We teach them how to interact with other people. We teach them how to navigate their own emotions and how to navigate their relationships.

We don’t do it in a fear-based way that we can’t offend them, we can’t allow them, and we don’t give them more than they’re willing, or deserving to have. Empowering a child too early is actually creating a cycle that creates entitlement and a disrespect for authority. Discipline is not a bad thing. It comes in two forms. It’s a result of consequence, but it’s also the structure in which we discipline, which we train up, which we allow them to grow in. See, children are looking for boundaries. They desire it. They want them. They may fight the idea of them, but they truly want boundaries. They want restrictions, they want guidance. They want a firm and loving hand in their lives. But in that, they need to learn who God is to them, who the Father is to them. And as parents, we need to raise our children up, showing them that commitment to God, discipline in their lifestyle, making right choices, understanding consequences for bad choices. For learning how to love unselfishly, for learning how to be humble, for learning how to be giving and generous, learning how to navigate joy and navigate pain. Being that person in their life for those people in their lives that teach them what it is to thrive as a child of God, to thrive as a growing adult.

How do they leave our homes? Do they leave our homes equipped and ready to live life as an adult, fully equipped? Or are they still dependent on childish things? See, we’re called to be childlike, not childish. And as parents, we have the ability to teach the generation how to live, and instill in them the fundamentals that they can teach the next generation and the next generation.

So Father, I just want to bless every parent, every grandparent, every person in authority over a child right now. I want to bless them to lead in a way that raises them up to see their identity, that they find out who they are in Christ through how they’ve been raised, how their parents set an example, how people of authority have allowed them to grow and cultivate their identity in their watch. And I just bless them in that right now, in Jesus’ Name. Amen.

________

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Watch GOD TV here

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Faith

The Mum Walk of Shame!

by Marina Magdalena
written by Marina Magdalena

Hi Marina Magdalena here from the Mum Show!

When the “Tour de France” hit Yorkshire ,the Shire went CRAZY! Driving through the dales all you could see were villages smothered in spotty bunting, old bikes spray painted yellow and hung on walls, and welcome signs – lots of welcome signs! My already bike obsessed family couldn’t wait to get involved – and because I can literally make a celebration out of anything, (I even celebrate this fact about myself) I booked us tickets to a big stately home to watch the start of the race, opened by none other than William, Kate and Harry! It meant sitting on deck chairs to save our spots with 2 small children at 4am. It was ridiculous and hilarious, but the Magdalena’s had caught yellow Jersey fever.

So there we are – huddled in together, surrounded by 1000’s of people with a long road stretching before us and 1000’s more people lining the other side. We could see their expectant faces, eyes dancing with delight as any minute the Royals would drive down in huge Range Rovers followed by some of the worlds greatest cyclist. The atmosphere was buzzing and yet all that could be heard was a low chatter of excited conversation. I was thrilled with how my plan was coming together, until my Mum tapped me on the shoulder (yes, I even convinced my parents to come) and said, “Marina, you might want to deal with that…”

I looked down to see that my gorgeous three year old had chosen this precise moment to drop his pants and fire a perfectly arched wee to the 1000’s of spectators on the other side of the road. Thank the Lord he fell short of spraying anyone by literally millimetres. But everyone was watching. First him, then me, to see what I was going to do. But what can you do? There is no stopping a weeing toddler mid flow!?! And there was no other space for him to direct it. So I just had to stand there, awkwardly watching my child urinate the path that would soon be welcoming Royalty and athletes alike!

I remember at the time going bright red, getting this huge lump in my throat and feeling mortified that I was the mum letting her kid wee in the middle of the crowd. I felt every ounce of shame, I as good as wrote it on a tee shirt and wore it around for a few hours. But that’s crazy right – he was 3, you can’t have a toddler without a toilet story, and anyway, I wasn’t the one dropping my pants! The truth is, this day happened right in the middle of my “take it personally” season. Because for a while I remember wearing all of my children’s mis behaviours, turbulent emotions and struggles.

If my child was hard work for you today – I am SO Sorry! If my child was being grumpy – I am SO Sorry. If my child wouldn’t take turns on the slide – I am SO sorry! But the problem with all of my apologising and shame absorbing, was that I was missing what was really going on. I should have been saying, “My child was hard work today?…(turn to my kids) hey, sweetheart, have you had a hard day? Tell me all about it.” Because ultimately I am here to help my children navigate their challenges, not stick it on a shirt and own it for them! And the truth is, that is the kindest thing we can do for them.

My kids will mess up – and I don’t mean urinating on royalty, cause bless him he was 3! They will mess up and surprise me and face all kinds of challenges. But now, thanks to the grace of God, their Mum will be fine. They don’t need to worry about me falling to pieces or taking things personally. Instead, I can get on and do my job, which is simply drawing close and loving them through it!

Harewood House Tour de France

by Marina Magdalena
The Mum Show

The Mum Show airs on GOD TV on Mondays at 9pm.  It is produced by the Promise Collective, founded by Marina Magdalena and features child therapist, Emma Browne and Life Church leader, Clare Hooper.  Click to watch the Mum Show now on demand.

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Faith

God chose you to be the parent to your child

by Marina Magdalena
written by Marina Magdalena

Hi Marina Magdalena here from the Mum Show!

I hope your week is unfolding nicely! Things have been busy over at Promise Collective with another episode of “MUM SHOW” out in the world, 2 new blog contributors on our website (we love them and I am sure you will too!) and I have even blogged about one of my less finer moments, all in the name of mum solidarity 😉 As the week goes on I have felt a God whisper inside, reminding me each day, that those forgotten passions and secrete dreams gathering dust in the back of our minds – they are all there for a purpose.  Each day we commit to knowing Jesus, tuning into his heart and enjoying HIM regardless of our circumstance, is another day moving towards those amazing promises he has put over our lives! Parenting is busy, life is full, but nothing can overshadow the faithfulness and generosity of GOD!  We hope you find some joy in this weeks newsletter, chat soon, marina xx

BLOG:   You are built for This!

I am mum to two children both of whom I gave birth to in Spain. I remember being 2 weeks past my due date, which if I’m honest, as a new mum, age 26, in a foreign country, was pretty terrifying and I had gone to the hospital with my husband Dominic for a last minute scan to see what was going on… > >

In Spain it was the ”festival of the kings”, the day they celebrate the kings giving presents to Jesus, so the hospital was very quiet and the staff were relaxed and informal. I don’t think anyone had really planned on doing too much work that day, but since I had convinced myself that being 2 weeks overdue meant there was a possibility my baby would actually never come out, I insisted on being given a scan. So I hopped on the bed and the sonographer was doing her thing, when all of a sudden I heard her say “Madre Mia! Que Grande! Que Grande, Que Grande, oi oi oi!!!”

Now for those of you who don’t speak Spanish she basically said, “oh my days, this baby is huge! Huge I tell you, really, really huge!” She was a little less dramatic, but not really, not when this huge baby is one you are about to deliver. So, anyway, she kept moving the camera over me and muttering away to herself, “This baby is really big, you know, I don’t know how you gonna deliver her, I mean really!

Now the thing to know about Spanish ladies is that they are more petite than us British girls, and so whilst their babies were coming out around 5 or 6 lbs I was managing to cook up a hefty 9lber – and it was really troubling the medical staff who would soon be looking after me. All of a sudden the sight of my huge tummy, the stressed out sonographer, the sudden (and very intrusive) arrival of three men dressed as middle eastern kings offering me bowls of sweets, all became too much and I started to stress out. I looked at my husband and said in a panicky voice, “its not happening is it, the babies never coming out, I am actually always going to be pregnant aren’t I !?”

At this point the lady realised I was losing it and so, once she had sent the three kings packing, she got close to me, held my hand in hers, and then using her other hand to slap my thighs she said, “Don’t you worry, you built for this…no really, look, you have very big hips, you may have very big baby, but you also have very big hips, so you know…you gonna be fine, you built for this!”

Oh how my husband laughed! And I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, breath a sigh of relief or jump down and do 50 squats! And yet, in all of that chaos and drama and concern – I felt deep down in my soul that Jesus had just whispered me the most wonderful promise, “Marina, you are built for this.”  The phrase went through my head as I laboured and has stayed with me ever since. Because sometimes parenting is really hard. Sometimes you have days, weeks even, where you feel like you have reached your end, that the very best you have to offer is just not enough. Whether its the needs of a newborn or an older child who is struggling, as parents we can so often find ourselves feeling like we are carrying more than we feel we can handle. And boy is it hard! You can find yourself searching google, reading books, asking everyone’s opinion, convincing yourself that someone else would do a better job of raising your child. But the truth is, the child you are raising, however they came to you, whether you are their natural parent or not, the child you are raising is not with you by accident. They will go through hard times, they will struggle and at times completely confuse us, but you were built for this.

God chose you, made you and raised you to be the parent to your child. And the great thing is, when you do find you have reached your end, you have tried and tried and there is nothing else left in you – that’s when we can dip into our reserves, these beautiful pools of Gods grace, because whilst God calls us to parent, he doesn’t ask us to do it alone. So if you are having one of those seasons where you feel like your best just isn’t enough, I want to encourage you, friend; YOU are BUILT for THIS !

 

by Marina Magdalena
The Mum Show

The Mum Show airs on GOD TV on Mondays at 9pm.  It is produced by the Promise Collective, founded by Marina Magdalena and features child therapist, Emma Browne and Life Church leader, Clare Hooper.  Click to watch the Mum Show now on demand.

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Articles

Say goodbye to Child Anxiety

by Marina Magdalena
written by Marina Magdalena

As a child play therapist, anxiety is one of the most common issues I see. As a parent there is so much you can do to help support your child and teen. Here are a few ideas to get you started…

1. Become more aware.

Our days start quickly, routines happen and we can find our days rapidly deteriorating into stress! Before the day even begins try to hold your child in your mind. Think about them as a person and what’s happening in their lives. This “tuning in” with your child before they even wake will greatly help strengthen the parent child relationship making it easier for your child to share their feelings.

2. Anxiety is real to them.

Although we may feel as adults that our children are over reacting to situations, it’s important to remember that their brain is still developing as are the skills to rationalise their thoughts. See their issue as important, tell them you care and that you’ve heard them, offer to work through issues together.

3. A space to talk.

Children and young people do actually want to talk, but they will only talk if they feel they are being listened to and there is space to do it. Older children often like less eye contact so switch off the radio in the kitchen and invite them to help you so a chat can occur naturally. Younger children may wait until bedtime so give yourself extra time so that conversations can happen.

4. Sounding off is OK.

Letting frustrated or anxious feelings out is actually a good thing. It may come out via a stomp up the stairs, slamming a door or a yell at something seemingly unrelated. Recognising that behaviours change under stress and giving your child room to express them, prevents further emotional and physical stress.

5. Role-model.

Our children will be picking up how to deal with all different types of situations by watching how we behave. Show good ways of dealing with difficulties, model how to rationalise thoughts and try to keep a positive mindset.

6. Have a giggle.

It’s important for parents to remember that we can’t solve every problem or anxiety that our children have. The quickest and most effective way of increasing how good we feel is through laughter, it lowers the stress hormones in a person’s body and leaves them feeling happier and more relaxed. As parents we can choose to connect with our children in playful ways. Switch off the desire to problem solve and instead create a playful atmosphere where you can laugh often and enjoy each other.

Shared with us by Play Therapist Selina Yeoman. The Mum Show airs on GOD TV on Mondays at 9pm.  It is produced by the Promise Collective, founded by Marina Magdalena and features child therapist, Emma Browne and Life Church leader, Clare Hooper.  Click to watch the Mum Show now on demand.

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Family

6 Ideas For Helping My Kids Know Jesus

by Marina Magdalena
written by Marina Magdalena

As a hand-raising, Jesus-praising Mama of two, I know that a full, satisfied and abundant life is found in Jesus. Generally speaking, I am pretty relaxed about the path my kids choose, but when it comes to God, I really don’t want them to miss out on His incredible love or the plans He has for them. It’s not easy to find Jesus in all the noise of today’s world, and you certainly can’t make someone fall in love! So here is my plan, to help my kids find God!

1. I am going to acknowledge their questions even if it makes my head spin.

Our faith doesn’t always fit with common thinking – so if my kids need to hunt out answers I am going to be patient and help them look. In our house questions and independent thinking will be celebrated. If they need to wrap their heads around dinosaurs or the age of the earth or figure out why bad things happen to good people, they are free to research, enquire and question away – and if they need my help, we will look together.

2. I am going to tell stories.

Lots of stories. I am going to tell them our story, of how the Holy Spirit spoke and rescued my boy when medicine would have unknowingly terminated him, of how in our scariest moments God stood by us, and the moments of absolute joy we have shared as a family adventuring in life with Jesus. I’m going to tell them faith stories from Janet down the road, to Bob in the café and from people on the other side of the earth. I am going to make it my mission to share God’s story of relentless pursuit for His Children, of how He creates and sustains everything, of how His grace can defeat shame and of His never ending love for them.

3. I am going to expect God to do incredible things in the life of my kids.

When my kids are in chaos and everything is turmoil, I am going to be the mum that says, “Seriously, watch this space, anytime now we are going to see God do something incredible.” And He will, and when He does, I’m going to thank Him for taking the time to plant my kids even when it felt like they were being buried.

4. I am going to be responsive.

When my kids come to me with concerns or fears or failures, I am going to grab every opportunity to point them to Jesus. And when they celebrate victories and triumphs I am going to celebrate His faithfulness and work in their lives too.

5. I am going to introduce them to Jesus.

I am doing away with fuzzy perceptions of an old man with a beard, who looks a bit like Santa Claus dressed in white, sat on a cloud playing a harp. Nor am I going present God as a rule book or code of conduct. And we are not reducing Jesus either, to a historical figure who made waves. Jesus will be present in our home. We will talk to Him and about Him and invest time in hearing what he has to say. The name of Jesus will be spoken just as much, if not more, than all of the other really important words like, “I love you” and “coffee please” and “I mean it this time, stay in bed!”

6. I am going to make sure that my heart is full of Jesus.

Because most days numbers 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 will seem completely overwhelming. Because often I will forget to pursue wisdom, or I will react to my kids behaviour instead of responding to their needs, or because I will push aside the faith stories and freak out at the size of the storm. Because I will lack in all of these things I set out to do, I will fill my heart with Jesus who is wholly sufficient. When I read Paul saying to Timothy, “I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.” I know that filling my heart with Jesus is the biggest example and gift I could ever give my children.

Marina Magdalena is the host of the ‘Mum Show’ on GOD TV and Founder of The Promise Collective. The Mum Show airs on GOD TV on Mondays at 9pm.  It is produced by the Promise Collective, founded by Marina Magdalena and features child therapist, Emma Browne and Life Church leader, Clare Hooper.  Click to watch the Mum Show now on demand.

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Family

This Simple Guide will Transform the Way You Parent Your Kids: From Have To’s to Get To’s

by GOD TV
written by GOD TV

From Have To’s to Get To’s

There is no doubt that being a parent is not for the faint of heart. No matter how prepared you may be and even with only one child, life gets busy and everyone has rough days. We get going into our routine of caring for our family by having to do the endless errands, cleaning, work, play dates, cooking and homework. Round and round it goes while seeming that we never get a chance to come up for air from the nonstop list.

Before we even have a chance to realize what is happening we find ourselves living in a place of total discontment. While it may hide out of sight for a little while, it will eventually bubble up and show itself by stealing our joy and leading us to live in a state of a perpetual grumpy mood. This is not going to be beneficial for building up our family or even properly taking care of ourselves.

How can we adjust our way of thinking so that our joy is not stolen by all of the “have to’s” on our lists? In an article originally posted on Parent.co Susan Narjala suggests that it is a simple matter of changing our way of thinking by changing the two words we use from “have to” to “get to.”

  • We don’t have to cook meals for our children, we get to feed our children.
  • We don’t have to help them with their homework, we get to help them learn more about the world.
  • We don’t have to stop cleaning to play with our children, we get to spend time investing in our relationship with them. 

This simple change in the words we use can have a huge shift in the ways we view our families, to do lists and lives!

In Narjala’s article she explains how her family moved from their suburb in Portland, Oregon to India without the move having any effect on their income status or daily needs. Though their life remained largely the same as it was in Oregon, Narjala began to realized what a “blessed life” they had lived in America.

“Every single day, as a person of privilege in India, I come face-to-face with the fact that I “get to” rather than I “have to,” she wrote. “As I take my kids to school in an air-conditioned car, we pass by children sitting on mounds of sand outside construction sites where their parents work…They don’t have the option of taking their kids to school. My “have to wake up when my iPhone alarm rings at 6:30 a.m.” complaints seem horrendously petty.”

We don’t even have to travel far outside of our surrounding neighborhoods to come across families that are suffering. In our own hometowns there are children who go to bed hungry and sometimes their only meal that day might be delivered by a school cafeteria worker.

In some marriages there are couples who are pleading with God to bless them with a child just so that they can “get to” do the things we “have to” do everyday.

“Our normal is someone else’s dream. The fact that we are doing most of this for people we love is the biggest “get to” of all,” Narjala shared. “Instead of looking at our lists as chores, we need to see them as opportunities…My perspective changes from being a parent obsessed with just how crazy-hard my life is to one who acknowledges my abundance.”

Hopefully, Narjala’s message is one that we can all take to heart about being a parent. Praying that we all follow her simple act of changing our “have to’s” into “get to’s.”

 

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Faith

Helping Our Children Find Peace in the Middle of Conflict

by Marina Magdalena
written by Marina Magdalena

Helping our children find peace in the middle of conflict

You know when your child has one of those moments, the ones where they seem to lose their heads and morph into an angry, unreasonable monster who hates their life and everything in it? We were having one of those moments. I am not sure what triggered it now, I imagine it was me repeatedly saying no to a request, or asking for some compliance, but whatever it was, my child was now screaming at me, about how I had ruined their entire day and that they absolutely knew I didn’t love them anymore. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, even the cat looks for somewhere to hide!

So I began to pull out all of the parenting tricks in my artillery; empathy, gentle voice, firm voice, touch, giving space, drawing close, reasoning – you name it, I did it! Eventually, I reached the end of myself. I looked at my beautiful child, their face stained with snot and tears and their eyes darting anxiously, and I whispered a little prayer, “Holy Spirit, how do I bring her back?”

I was desperate, the moment had completely floored me. I had barely finished whispering my prayer when in my mind’s eye I saw the cross with a pathway leading up to it, and a gentle voice inside me said, “Show them the pathway to peace”. It was a lightbulb moment, in a split second I understood just a fraction more of what God has done to restore his children. He didn’t just leave a few final thoughts on forgiveness or a cryptic trail for us to figure out – our heavenly father filled 66 books! The son of God became man and lived out an entire ministry, culminating in death and resurrection – and if that was not enough, the Holy Spirit resides in God’s children generation after generation, and why? Because ultimately, God wanted his children back home, restored to royalty and in his arms. He knew we would never figure this out by ourselves – he didn’t just leave clues, he spelled it out, lived it out and reveals it still today. If that is how God parents me, with a constant hand showing me the way back home, why should I offer my child any different?

So in an ideal world, I would tell you that we had this really tender, intimate moment – we didn’t, they were still yelling, and I knew that to be heard I would have to speak even louder. So I called across the room in my best Mary Poppins voice,“Sweetheart, any time you want this to end, say, “Cuddle,” and I am all yours!”

There was silence. We just stared at each other for a few seconds. And then a broken little voice muttered the words,“Cuddle”

And we did. There had been rudeness, anger, tantrums – and there would be time to address all of that. But right now, my kid was back, in the arms of their mum, just where they belonged.

The Mum Show airs on GOD TV on Mondays at 9pm.  It is produced by the Promise Collective, founded by Marina Magdalena and features child therapist, Emma Browne and Life Church leader, Clare Hooper.  Click to watch the Mum Show now on demand.

 

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Parenting Breakthrough: I Am Not Responsible for My Children’s Happiness 

by Marina Magdalena
written by Marina Magdalena

Marina Magdalena hosts the Mum Show on GOD TV which aims to provide a grace-filled, soul-searching look at being a mum in today’s world.  In this post Marina shares a parenting breakthrough she had recently.

At any given moment I can have a child sulking because they don’t have a particular game they want, and another in a grump because it’s too wet to go on the scooters – and that is ok. I can have a child in a bad mood because they are over tired and another grouchy because it’s just been a long day – that is also ok! We can have an amazing day out and on our return have one in a temper because of how loudly their sibling is breathing, whilst the other one is cross that they don’t have sufficient leg room in the car. My children at this point are not happy, and that is ok! How many times have we, as parents, spent money on our children we cannot afford, or permitted boundaries to be broken because we feel responsible for our children’s happiness? Well, I am officially alleviating myself of that pressure right now – from here on in, it is not my job to keep my children in a perpetual state of happiness!

Happiness, like all emotions, will come and go like waves. My job is to teach my children to surf these waves and not be overcome by them. I do not get to orchestrate what waves come next, how long for and in what order. I cannot follow them around making sure their happy tanks are overflowing – and neither should I! Happiness is an emotion often idolised by humans, with huge time and money devoted to the pursuit of finding a happiness that lasts. Yet with all this chasing after an elusive sense of “happy”, we can separate ourselves from the ever constant source of Joy.

Nehemiah 8:10 says: “This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

The Joy of the Lord is not determined by or given from the world. It is not created, removed or reshaped by external factors. It is not an emotion or switch that can be flicked on and off. Joy is the understanding that Gods love for you is all-encompassing and unconditional, it is knowing that nothing you do will make him love you more or less, it is being both fully known and fully loved. If I want to help my children grow strong in joy, I need them to know that they are wholly loved, accepted for who they are and that no matter what they do wrong, there is always a way back. I need to show them God’s grace when they mess up. I need to take time to discover how I can best demonstrate my love and be curious about who they are and what makes them tick. And when they are happy, that’s great! And if they’re not, joy will be their strength.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not for a minute suggesting that we walk around avoiding happiness! In fact, when God parents us with joy, he actively encourages us to couple it with celebration. For instance in Esther, “There was joy and gladness among the Jews, with feasting and celebrating.” Esther 8:17, or King David’s proclamation in Psalm 27, “At his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord” Psalm 27:6. Heaven itself is prone to a good party,

“I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.” Luke 15:7

Our joy in the Lord is a transaction of the heart, but the bi product of this transaction is an environment of celebration, praise, singing, eating and getting together. This is the part where, as parents, we can become culture creators of joy. We can set a table for our families to enjoy feasting at, we can celebrate each other, even when there is seemingly little new to celebrate. We can sing, dance, play sports, bring out a board game, tell stories, try new things together to cultivate a sense that in this family “we do joy!” Whilst we cannot be our families source of happiness and ensure they have every want or desire, we can create homes that celebrate life, that notice blessing, that give credence to fun and permission for our time together to feel like an occasion. Proverbs 17:22 tells us, “A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones.” The word of God reveals not only the strength that comes from Joy, it even signposts us to the health benefits too. Sometimes having a giggle is all we need to change our thinking and re-energise our hearts, and it is the same for our children. So whilst I’m shaking off the chains of being my family’s source of “Happy,” I do plan to become a greater nurturer of joy. From today I plan to be silly, be fun, go on adventures and let life-giving laughter be rich in my family’s DNA!

The Mum Show airs on GOD TV on Mondays at 9pm.  It is produced by the Promise Collective, founded by Marina Magdalena and features child therapist, Emma Browne and Life Church leader, Clare Hooper.  Click to watch the Mum Show now on demand.

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