Vanessa’s mother passed away from cancer when she was just 17. At that time, she was angry with God, but years later, she turned back and prayed for a miracle.
Why She Was Angry With God
Vanessa was very close with her mother, and they both shared a special bond. Her mother made her feel accepted and loved. She was greatly influenced by her mother’s faith, which is why, at the age of ten, she devoted her life to Christ.
“It was her relationship with God that just that spoke more to me, that caused me to want that. I wanted that close relationship like she had,” she said.
She never imagined life without her mother. Sadly, when she was in high school, her mother was diagnosed with skin cancer. Vanessa, along with their close relatives and friends, prayed for healing. However, her mother died and it devastated her so much.
The Loss
“I needed my mom. She was my go-to. When I didn’t have that, I felt robbed. And when I lost her, I lost a friend. I lost that support system. And so I just immediately felt like I was alone. That was when I just felt this shift in my heart,” she said.
Vanessa was angry with God. She thought that since her prayers and faith didn’t work, it would be useless to live with it. It led her to not believe in God’s love and to doubt His existence.
TESTIMONY: WOMAN IS HEALED FROM LUPUS AND DELIVERED FROM DEPRESSION
After a few years, Vanessa got married and pursued a nursing degree. However, her grief stayed with her, leading her to rely on antidepressants just to get by during the day.
“I felt so empty inside. I just wanted anything to make the hurt go away even just a little bit. And I just wanted a little relief, you know. To not wake up and feel that, or go to bed and feel the same thing if not heavier,” she said.
Woman Was Angry With God But He Didn’t Give Up On Her
Life went on and Vanessa became pregnant, causing her fear of losing a loved one to resurface. She then realized her need for God because she knew that she wouldn’t be able to survive all alone. For the first time in many years, Vanessa prayed again, and God did not disappoint her.
“I wanted to talk to Him more, I felt heard for the first time in a while. And it was just a full awareness that He was there and He never left,” she said.
Vanessa testified that since then, God healed the deep hurts and pain. She also had a healthy pregnancy!
“I actually have joy and I want to live. The emptiness that I once had is now filled with that reassurance that I have a purpose. That God is with me, He hasn’t left me. God in my life means constant, never-changing, unrelenting. He doesn’t give up on us even when you give up on Him,” she concluded.
Watch her story:
Reference: The 700 Club
Header image: Vanessa testifying [The 700 Club]. YouTube, 6 July 2015, https://youtu.be/GKbpOvNu7q0