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Christian living

5 Truths Every Mom of Teens Needs to Hear, Today

by Jessica Kastner October 10, 2024

written by Jessica Kastner

Parenting teens in today’s world can feel beyond overwhelming—like trying to stay calm when you’re a tinder-dry, alcohol-soaked piece of wood living in a dumpster fire. No time for sugarcoating here. Many of us elder Millennials and Gen X’ers have parented teens through the rise of smartphones, Snapchat, and YouTube shorts. We have no idea what we’re doing, and yet we’re supposed to be digital police, culture war moderators, and spiritual warfare ninjas in an increasingly ridiculous world. Deep breaths.

It’s hard to keep the faith and remain optimistic while dealing with teenage mood swings, drama, evolving personalities, and all the other things that keep our therapists both horrified and entertained. However, just today I had a God moment. It happened while spacing out at the kitchen sink, listening to my 14- and 16-year-old boys trail through the house, chattering on their AirPods, leaving a wake of snack wrappers and Adidas cologne. A voice simply said, “They’re both amazing, and they’re both going to be okay.” I had to hold back the sobs because I knew it wasn’t just my own thought, and I really needed that assurance. Granted, I was pretty caffeinated and high on a fresh Maverick City worship set, but my mind was flooded with assurances and truths I wanted to share in this blog. Because frankly, we don’t hear enough encouragement or comfort. We need these reminders daily, but I hope they help, even for today…

#1 Your Kids Will Be Amazing Humans Someday

Laziness, ungratefulness, eye rolls, and total disregard for the cleanliness of the backseat. This stage of parenting is not for the faint of heart. Sometimes it feels impossible to picture our teenagers evolving into high-functioning, considerate, Jesus-loving adults with even the bare minimum of domestic skills. Like, my 16-year-old just spilled a quarter of a jug of OJ in the fridge, closed the door, and walked upstairs like Rocky after an eight-round victory. They refuse to reciprocate any affection, and when asked to do the smallest task—like shoveling snow—they act like I’ve drafted them for Vietnam. It can feel utterly defeating, but I’m here to tell you: this too shall pass.

My 23-year-old still lives at home, and for the past two years, I’ve been brought to tears by the simplest changes in his empathy and domestic efforts. He’s evolving from ape to human. Simple things, like asking about my day or offering to pick up food on the way home. So, it’s not just wishful thinking when I say: This is normal teenage stuff. You’re raising good kids. You’re doing the best you can. And they will be amazing… someday.

#2 Your Kids Will Love You Again (And Show It) Someday

Over here in hormone hell, we live in a house full of forced hugs. Years ago, I read that kids up to 18 need three hugs a day to feel secure, so I’ve been dishing out unwelcome affection for a decade. The kids cringe and run, but I chase them down anyway. It’s healthy for them, but the lack of reciprocation does wear on a person. Like, dudes—I sacrificed years of manicures to fund karate lessons and North Face jackets, and you can’t give me a side hug?! Add to that being ignored in public and demoted from best buddy to Uber driver, and it takes an emotional toll.

But here’s what I remember from being 16 myself, and what I’ve seen with every friend who’s raised kids to adulthood: this too shall pass. SOMEDAY, they’ll love and appreciate you. Maybe when they’re 20, 25, or even 30—but it will happen. So, to the mom of the 15-year-old daughter who blocks you from one room over, and to the mom of the 13-year-old whose texts read like extortion demands (“Be here in 10!” “Buy me this!”): Don’t fall into the “forever trap,” thinking it will always be this way. Often, teens take out their negative emotions on the people they feel safest with because they know they’re loved unconditionally. Yes, it’s painful, but remember—this is normal, and it will get better in time.

#3 Every Seed Planted Will Be Reaped Someday

Do you sense a pattern here? So much of mothering involves waiting and patience, far beyond those hours spent in school parking lots. I believe the ultimate measure of our efforts comes years later, maybe even after they’ve left the house. Every prayer, every act of sacrifice, every moment you bite your tongue instead of losing your temper—every meal you cook or burn and hour of sleep you lose—God sees it all.

Our kids will likely never know the cost of good mothering. They’ll never know about the vacations we didn’t take because football costs $1K a year. Single or divorced mamas, they’ll never know the dates you didn’t go on or the relationships you gave up to be present for them. But God notices, and He is faithful. Every effort, every seed planted, will be reaped in your child’s life.

#4 If Jesus Is Lord of Your House, They’ll Follow the Truth

This truth can be tough to swallow because we all know adult children raised in Christian homes who aren’t walking with the Lord. But we never know the inside workings of other families, and it’s never too late for salvation. I stand on Proverbs 22:6, which says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” As a pastor’s kid who went completely AWOL during my teen and early adult years, I can attest to this. Eventually, like the prodigal son, I found my way back. Never stop praying and thanking God for your kids’ walk with Him, even if they veer off the path.

#5 There Are No Perfect Parents, and No Perfect Kids

Mom guilt can be crippling, especially during the teen years. When they were little, their constant affection helped soothe our mistakes. Now, when we mess up, we’re met with eye rolls and the silent treatment. Every day, I remind myself that I’m doing my best, and my kids are going to be okay. I’ve made terrible decisions, let my kids down, and lost my temper when I should’ve taken a breath.

But God is big enough to cover our mistakes. He loves our kids more than we do, and He’s not going to let our teens fail because we got something wrong. He’s not keeping a record of our wrongs, and He cares about our love for them. He wants us to forgive ourselves and enjoy our kids without constant guilt. Your kids are going to make it. And so are you—one awkward hug at a time.

Read more on the GOD TV Blog – www.christianlearning.com.
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October 10, 2024 0 comments

Feeling Like A Hot Mess Lately? Probably Just Need More Jesus

by Jessica Kastner November 18, 2023

written by Jessica Kastner

I’ve come to realize the litmus test of my spiritual health is directly related to my road rage. And since I recently passed out a senior citizen (driving mercilessly below speed limit, I might say) in a no passing zone to properly convey my rage, I knew things were gettin’ rough.

When feeling overloaded with stress, or overly irritable, isn’t it so easy to blame the circumstances or people around us? The old guy in the Oldsmobile. Or the marriage in a slump, or your teenager’s riding your last nerve like a roided out cowboy. Or more likely, we’re just reeling from the effects of scrolling through too much digitized rage and vapidness all throughout the day. But when I’ve come to the end of the excuses, I always come to the same revelation. Yep. I need more Jesus.

When our lives feel out of whack and our hearts feel dull it’s probably just a need for Him. At the risk of sounding like a country trope…”all I need is coffee and Jesus!” most of us know that spending time with Jesus doesn’t mean blasting more worship music in the car or hurriedly rattling off more prayer requests on the way to work. It means making the time to do the exact opposite of what feels natural when we’re feeling exhausted, overworked and grumpy: making the effort get quiet and be still. It means sacrificing our coveted time to be alone with God, letting his presence renew our spirits and infuse His Peace, so we can actually hear what He has to say.

I just finished an amazing book called The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, which profoundly conveys the effects of hurry, and distraction-based exhaustion on our spirits. So much of this epidemic especially relates to those of us still raising kids while working and serving in other capacities. We’re often too stretched with too much on our plates, and our walk with God is a common casualty. Here’s just a small sampling of tasks I’ve done this week that are OUTSIDE of my 40-hour work week and all the cooking/cleaning/carpooling it takes keeping a household of seven afloat.

Coordinating parent teacher conferences for multiple children on the schools’ “Parent Square” app that I swear must’ve been coded by toddlers
Continuing ongoing research for a good therapist (just keepin’ it real!)
Planning this year’s Thanksgiving dishes with mother & sisters *(not hosting this year…score!)
Getting placed on hold for an ungodly amount of time, following up on an insurance claim
Navigating the dark labyrinth that is the Delta customer services to check on our travel credits
Surfing the web for a church life group we promised to sign up for a year ago
Unsuccessfully attempting to resurrect my old Spotify account in order to send marriage podcasts to my husband (commute’s about to get real, honey!)

Now I’m not saying the men folk aren’t stressed and workin’ just as hard, but this is just a microcosm of all the “extras” women do throughout their days that frankly just leads to a burn out. No wonder why we’re short-fused, self-focused and lack patience. No wonder why we feel restless and cranky. Our tanks are empty. Some might say the solution is to prioritize, simplify, and designate, which of course could help, but it takes more than better habits to really live in balance.

To put it bluntly, the real key to extinguishing our internal dumpster fires is to prioritize our relationship with God. I’ve written so much about the desperate need for designated quiet time, but it’s more than that. Whenever I’ve put God on the back burner…praying and studying the Bible less, listening to secular podcasts instead of worship or sermons and swinging the pendulum of thought life towards self-focus… life simply gets harder. I’m less joyful, less focused, less invigorated and less calm. You’d think this stark reality would keep us constantly walking in step with Him, but life is nasty, and slopes are slippery.

We need to continually remind ourselves where our help comes from, in order to still live abundantly in culture that’s increasingly targeting our attention and affection. And no amount of Starbucks, Spanish red blend, workout endorphins, or Insta-based dopamine highs will even come close to the strength and peace we find in Him. We all know it, but how many of us can honestly say that at this moment in time, we spend enough time with God, while duplicitously feeling more stress, irritability, restlessness, and exhaustion?

I never used to equivocate increased energy and productivity, with closeness to Jesus. Peace? Yes. But energy? Not so much. But after enough decades spent liaising between different amounts of quality time with the Lord, I can say with confidence that my vigor and passion (or at least the ability to sustain it) stems from Him. Spending time with Jesus is kind of like taking a warm, hot shower after days of running around in your own filth (moms of infants you know!). You just feel lighter, and more refreshed. He manages to rinse all the bad energy, wrong thoughts, built up hurts and disappointments ruminating through our minds, replacing our tumultuous, wounded emotions with his peace and truth.

Of course it seems completely backwards to make more time for God when we’re already pushed to the max, but isn’t that how He works? Matthew 6:33 says “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all else shall be given to you.” When we seek God…which just means going after his presence, He’s fully able (and willing!) to give us all that we need. The understanding, guidance, patience, focus and calmness of mind that it takes just navigating one day in this nutty life. And if you have teens like me, maybe double up. : ) Happy stillness! xo
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Read more on the GOD TV Blog – www.christianlearning.com.
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November 18, 2023 0 comments

Faith

5 Ways To Become A More Thankful Person

by Jessica Kastner March 21, 2022

written by Jessica Kastner

At the end of the day, don’t we all just want to be happy, grateful people? But how many of can say that we are truly joyful, and full of peace most of the day, every day? After living through more decades of life that I’d like to admit, through many seasons of ‘ups and downs,’ I have found thankfulness to be the key to happiness. When we’re thankful, it changes our perspective on life, and our behaviors. Even through the tough times, those with grateful hearts seem to weather the storms of life with so much more grace and agility. Here are five ways to become a more thankful person, starting today.

Pray for Thankfulness

Sounds trite and it can feel awkward, but if we’re looking for more joy, peace and happiness in our life, the first place to start is prayer. Ask the Lord for gratefulness. To open your eyes to blessings, people and circumstances you might be blind to, or taking for granted, and for a deeper appreciation of all that you have. John 14:13 says “And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.” So receiving a more thankful spirit is pretty much a guarantee. It can feel strange asking for what you can be thankful for -almost like praying to feel more love for God- but He will honor your sincerity and your heart on this one. Guaranteed!

Slow Down

I hate slow things. Slow talkers, slow drivers, slow cashiers (oh my gee the slow cashiers) because I’m always in a rush. But a few years ago, the Lord convicted me of this chaotic state of mind. I was missing a lot of the beauty, and the little moments He had lined up for me that day. The sweetness of stopping to color with my three-year- old and saying yes instead of “I’m too busy” when my husband asks to “cuddle” on our lunch break (beauty of remote working!). When we attempt to live more in the moment we really do become more grateful people. There are sweet, wonderful moments everywhere, all the time, and I’m determined not to keep on missing them in order to fit one more round of squats before the school bus comes.

Create A Prayer Journal

This is hands down one of the best gifts you can give to yourself. Something as simple as a Word doc, or journal dedicated solely to tracking answered prayers. I suggest creating two columns….one with prayer request, and another to jot down descriptions of how /when the prayer was answered. If I’m ever feeling down or disappointed, I pull up my Word doc. and I’m instantly filled with gratefulness. God has done so much and continues to move (even in this moment) in our lives, for our good.

Get Your Praise On

Even if you don’t feel like it…even if it’s one of “those days,” where your kids are fanning the flames of your PMS with every word they speak, worshiping does usher in the spirit of thankfulness and we WILL feel more joyful. When you sincerely worship, the spirit automatically shifts your mindset and centers your heart on what matters. You are His, You are loved, you are chosen, He is good, etc. and we’re reminded of the greatest reason to give thanks, to ever exist: if you’re a believer, simply the fact that we’re saved, with the unfailing hope of eternal life is enough to keep us grateful. It’s just one of those truths that lose its fervor and joy unless continuing to meditate on.

Help Others

I’ve found that when you focus on helping anyone who either has less, or is going through difficult times, we’re quickly reminded of how much really do have. A loving sister, friends, a solid job, a house of our own, even if it’s a little one. Getting out of our comfort zones for the sake of others quickly ushers the reality of just how good we have it. Even just having the strength and love and compassion to help each other, whether it’s being a prayer partner, or watching a friend’s child once a week- is something to be grateful for. So many early years of my single motherhood were drastically dependent on others, and now years later, I feel SO grateful to be in the position of giving back…even if it’s giving a sound piece of advice or encouragement. It’s a priceless position to be in.

Times of sadness, loneliness etc. are normal, and we should never deny our feelings, or feel condemned for them. But when focusing on the Lord, on what matters in life, and all that He’s given us it really does invoke a lifestyle of praise and thankfulness.

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March 21, 2022 0 comments

Articles

Greatest Asset in Marriage

by Michael Rizzo April 8, 2019

written by Michael Rizzo

The greatest asset unto living the Christian life, is in hearing what God is saying. Jesus made this clear when he visited seven major church centers at the end of the first century. There was a unique message to each city church along with this counsel: “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit is saying.” Rev. 2:7. When it comes to marital fruitfulness and harmony, our greatest asset is to have our hearts inclined, our hearing center attuned, to the voice of God.

We advise couples who are considering marriage, to know the history of their potential mate-to-be. A person’s history carries on into their marriage. Have they heard from God; are they hearing from God; and do you trust that they WILL hear from God when the added responsibility of marriage is placed upon them? It’s important to have a proven track record that transcends romance and all of the “putting our best foot forward” that happens during courtship. The goal is not perfection, but consistency – assets outweighing liabilities.

If the greatest asset in marriage is in hearing what the Spirit is saying, perhaps the greatest action item might be to respond with the adjustment and alignment (calibration) that is being called forth. Jesus says it perfectly: “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.” Mt. 7:24. We know the other side of the story: “But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.” Mt. 7:26. I have prayed on many occasions, “Lord, re-calibrate my heart.”

What makes the greatest asset so great, is it’s depth of inclusion. If you’re a parent, think of the desire you have for your children to know how you feel about them, and multiply it by infinity. God is unrelenting in His messaging! The zeal of Christ seeks total access in my soul; what an honor. And yet, the Spirit of adoption longing to indwell me fully, at times encounters resistance from my core. In the end, the depth of the Spirit’s embrace is anchored in my depth of response.

Hearing and calibration are a dynamic duo, our greatest asset. I have journals from forty-four years of my Christian walk, documenting this process. I’m not a “first time hearer” and yet the beauty of the Spirit’s expression to my heart today retains the wonder of hearing, as if it’s the first time.

Husbands and wives solidify their greatest asset when their focus overlaps; when revelation hits the heart of the marriage simultaneously. Seasons of joint growth are the most pleasant in a marriage. Not uniformity mind you, as each person hearing God will have his or her own nuances of expression. The bottom line in my opinion, is that even though “spouse response times” may vary, each must remain resolute – to hear, respond, and build. Marriage built on the “rock of response”- hearing and obeying – will stand strong against the storms.

April 8, 2019 0 comments

Faith

What To Do When You Don’t Feel God’s Presence

by Ella Connolly June 15, 2018

written by Ella Connolly

Have you ever gone to church or to a worship event and felt like everyone was experiencing God but you?

I’ve been a Christian for over five years now and it’s been a journey of learning to pray, worship and spend time with God.

Once, I went to a worship night at my church. I was pumped. Ready to praise and connect with God.

But as the evening went on, everyone seemed to be being stirred by the spirit apart from me. I watched as many started having powerful encounters, speaking in tongues, some lay down on the floor. I closed my eyes and prayed that I would be able to have the same experience. I wanted to be overwhelmed by His presence.

But I honestly wasn’t feeling it.

This is something I think we can feel ashamed of, but some of my closest friends have admitted to me that they too can sometimes struggle to connect with God in worship.

So what do we do about this?

1. DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP

That night, I felt frustrated and honestly a little defeated, which is exactly the opposite of what I should have been feeling as I was praising God.

After about half an hour of trying to force a connection that I couldn’t feel, I simply sat down on the floor and closed my eyes. I didn’t pray for a while. I just sat and listened, allowing the words to fill my spirit.

I finally felt peaceful and began to enjoy the experience. I realised that I had been so focused on trying to connect with God that I hadn’t actually allowed Him in. I had been questioning what I was doing wrong, what trick I was missing, rather than turning my attention to all that He is.

I focused on what I was lacking rather than what He was offering.

Relax and allow Him to whisper into your spirit.

2. GIVE THE DISTRACTIONS TO HIM

In order to hear Him talk, we do actually have to be listening. I am the first to admit that in worship I sometimes can’t help but think about something someone said to me earlier that day or a deadline I’d been putting off. My mind wanders.

Instead of allowing these wandering thoughts to get the best of us, why not try to be honest about our distraction and lift it up to Him, instead of pretending it doesn’t happen?

It’s likely that whatever is diverting our attention is something that’s causing us some kind of anxiety. Worship is the time to bring these distractions to God rather than ignore them.

3. GO BACK TO BASICS

Sometimes there are verses or particular lyrics that move us, and that’s great. God inspires those lyrics.

But the one thing that should never fail to stir us is the love story of Jesus dying for us. The story is beautifully simple but we can sometimes lose sight of it.

There is so much to learn and discuss when it comes to the Bible, but we must never forget the power of the gospel.

4. REMIND YOURSELF THAT HE SHOWS UP

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7

When we fully believe with all our heart that God is present, the way we worship changes. We stop trying to force an experience and allow Him to give us an authentic one. It takes the pressure off, knowing that we don’t have to twist His arm to spend time with us. He wants to meet with us.

If you are struggling to feel God’s presence, why not strip back your faith to its very core and whisper these words over yourself? Breathe them in and take some time to let their power move you:

Jesus was abused, rejected, mocked, and hated by many.

He was nailed to a cross.

He died and took the weight of our sin on His back.

He rose again.

We can now enter into a relationship with God and live in freedom.

You were lost.

Jesus called you by name.

You became found.

We don’t have to kick up a fuss to get God’s attention. When He feels distant, He is still working things for our good. He hears and knows us. So relax, draw close to Him, and allow Him to talk.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

This article was written by Ella Connolly who is an English and Drama student at Exeter University in the UK. She is an avid reader and writes even more, blogging about faith, life and crafts at Ella’s Scribbles.

June 15, 2018 0 comments

Articles Faith

God’s apps for your life

by Dr Michael Layne February 16, 2018

written by Dr Michael Layne

I don’t really feel all that old but I do remember when technology moved us away from a dial phone to a push button phone. And then a little over ten years ago I actually purchased my first cell phone. This was cool. I could now get rid of the “beeper” and have instant contact with whomever.

The first time I heard of a “cell phone” was in the mid-1980’s while living in Dallas, Texas. One of the local building contractors was telling some us about this new way to communicate and we didn’t need to look for change for a payphone. WOW! What could this be? You may remember the earlier cell phones. A bulky bag that was a bit on the heavy side.

Who knew that we would have the “flip phone” because of a TV show called Star Trek? Well, they say a cell phone gets better with every app (that’s application for those of us who struggle with abbreviations).

What if there was a suite of Apps for an upgraded YOU? It is available. Applications like Love, Joy, Peace, and Self-control. It is God’s will for all of us to become better people. How do we do this? A simple faith in God. One does not need a theological degree to figure it out but one does need a willingness to surrender to God’s love.

“For God so loved the WORLD (that’s us) that he gave his ONLY begotten son (Jesus Christ) that whosoever (us) believes in HIM shall not perish but have everlasting life.” From the Bible, St. John 3:16 Of all the Apps God has available to us, this is the most precious of all….LOVE. God really does love you. Some have had bad experiences with church. I am sorry for that experience, but as long as we have people there will be those negatives to cope with.

If you have been injured by someone in the church I urge you to find someone to talk to about your relationship with God and if you have had some life issues that have driven you away from the church or, if you have never been to church but feel a relationship with God is important, call someone who will have a listening ear. When you are talking with someone about your issue please allow the listener an opportunity to talk and share any information including the opportunity to refer you to someone who may be better suited to help you.

Now, to those of you who have a relationship with the Lord here’s some pointers to help those who will ask questions:

LISTEN: A wonderful gift to exhibit is to listen to what one has to say. If a person has been spiritually abused they are tender and really need to know the person they are talking to can be trusted and will listen without being judgemental. It’s important to not “preach” but listen and pray with the person. This exemplifies LOVE.
CONFIDENTIALITY: If you can’t hold confidence, refer them on to someone who can. The last thing anyone needs is for their confidence to be betrayed. This rule isn’t only for the clergy but also applies to any layperson who is hearing the problems of a hurting individual. Every one of us needs a “father confessor” whether we are Protestant or Catholic. We need a listening ear that will hear our problems and as the scripture says, James 5:16 – “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”
HONESTY: If you don’t have answers, say so. Be upfront and honest. Over the years of my ministry, I have referred people to others for further help. There is no room for proving how good we are as a counselor if indeed we aren’t. That can be dangerous for all involved.
REFER: You may have interaction with someone who is difficult. Do your best to help, with the realization there are those who have so much anger they will not listen to what anyone has to say. IF you are able to get through to the person that they need to contact someone else, do so. Keep a list of names and phone numbers handy for a ready reference of the clergy, professional counselors, abuse and victim hotlines, suicide hotline and any other resource you feel would be helpful.

Exemplify our Lord’s love and concern for others. This App called LOVE is so needed, so necessary and it will stretch us as we encounter those who are struggling, whether they are family members, neighbor, friend or a total stranger. Download God’s APP for a better you.

Oh, God’s word, the Bible, is the best software for your life.

Dr Michael Layne

This article was written by Dr Michael Layne who serves as an Archbishop in the Lutheran Orthodox Church and is pastor of FaithPoints Lutheran Church in Greensburg, IN.

February 16, 2018 0 comments