I once was tired of believing and pushing to make my dreams a reality. I was exhausted from being “THE ONE” that was suppose to change everything in my situation and even family lines of failures. I would literally spend all day calculating in my head how I could finally deserve and get my chance for freedom, success, healing and acceptance. I was the perfect friend in hopes I would be worthy of having that kind of friend. I wound strive and stress in hopes it somehow it would “pay off” in the end. And I would not rest until I felt I “arrived” or deserved it.
Then one day I broke and cried and couldn’t stop crying for a long time. I had no idea what was wrong but I knew that there had to be another way of feeling fulfilled then me crushing away grapes trying to make wine I never sat down and tasted and enjoyed myself. Through breaking God was finally let into the cracks of my heart and spoke to words through a story that changed it all.
Here is what He spoke to me,
My Masters Place
I’ve been working day in and day out in the vineyard.
My skin is golden brown from the beating of the rays.
Yes, I could go inside where everyone drinks of the wine… I’ve crushed.
Yes, I could rest my feet and eat at the table.
But… then who would work?
They say, “Come! Eat with us!”
But no one says “Please, give me your basket I will help you harvest.”
So I stay outside and wave at them from a far with envy of their freedom.
I let them think I am strong enough and that I am satisfied enough to be at the outskirts of the house.
But inside me I long to feel deserving to quench my thirst.
Then one especially hot day, as I wipe the simmer off my face, I hear a voice.
And I drop my basket for it startled me.
I am always alone in the vineyard, yet this voice for sure is near.
There it was again …
And it’s calling my name
Who would call? I am working and they know better than to pull me away.
Then there. Through the vines.
I see Him dressed in white.
So I move my sore feet and walk towards the light.
He calls but keeps moving, like an invitation to play.
Who is this man that interrupts my hard efforts to make me chase Him today?
“I am not doing this! This is silly!”
“What I do is important and I am needed,” I proudly say.
Then I take steps back to my post with that same pride I very well display.
But the blurry image of Him is now running… running towards me.
What do I do? Do I run? Do I yell?
Do I hide away?
As He runs He is now laughing and I can’t help remember my playful days.
Unexpectedly the child within me says,“You can’t find me.”
And I run to the place no one ever usually does.
To my surprise I feel hands cover my eyes and I hear, “There you are My beautiful bride. Where have you been all this time”
I am startled, I am shaken and speechless so I answer Him in my mind;
“I’ve been working in My masters place”
And the mysterious man that my eyes still have not seen whispers behind me.
“I am He.”
“The Master of the house you never see.
I’ve been waiting for you to come inside and eat with Me.”
Out of my usual character I blatantly say,“How could I Sir? Then who would work the fields, who will bring the bread? My hands are unclean from digging and pulling away.”
“Who am I? This sunburned girl to come eat with the head of the home?”
And with zealous passion His playful tone quickly turns into anger.
He turns me around looks into my eyes and says,
“YOU are My bride and who I dream of at night! Who I hope to see dressed in grace in the daylight”
“Yes, the fire made you golden and strong but now I give you the living water your soul quenches.
I will serve you the bread and the wine.”
He takes a deep breath and puts my hands on His heart and I can feel His heart beating in my hand like darts.
And over the drumming in His chest He makes His proposal.
“My beloved, My most precious you always inherited this land, you always had a seat at My table put down your tools, and take My ring in your hand.”
Take your place My beautiful bride, take My hand, and follow Me home.
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” – Ephesians 2:8-10
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